"Mom, I think I will just give up. I don't know how to love." What big words coming from our new four year olds mouth. My mind still cant wrap itself around that statement. Every time I try to process where she might be coming from and how possibly she can understand the magnitude of her words....well....I'm stuck! Just stuck. Stuck in the middle, stuck not understanding what it must feel like to not know love, stuck trying to figure out how I can help her to understand, stuck in connecting and correcting, stuck in the rules, but mostly just stuck not knowing what to do next. Now, what? What do you say? How can you comfort? How can you help? How can you teach? How can I show more love than I am already showing? Time and consistency. I feel my heart break all over again.
I'm no parental expert, actually far from it! I wonder most days why in the world God would call Marc and I to such a task of parenting three plus one. I mean hasn't He seen all my mess ups already?? Hasn't He seen my three bio-children and all their issues?? Seriously??? SERIOUSLY???
And then....I hear Him gently say, "YOU HAVE ME". That sums it up though, doesn't it? Do I need anything else? Do I need a PhD, a badge from Mommy's R US, a certificate from the latest parenting class, or the approval from man?
Why is it that most times we all forget the only thing we really need is HIM? This is more than just a parenting thing. God whispers to us everyday in all situations, "YOU HAVE ME" and we just pretend like He didn't say a word. We try to fix or maneuver, or whine, or stomp our feet in anger; we try to figure it out on our own or become extremely impatient with how life is going. We look to the world as if it has the answers to our deepest desires or longing questions. We fill our hands with baskets of "things" that only take us from Him and somehow we place momentary contentment in those "things" until we figure out that wasn't what we were looking for either. WE HAVE HIM!!!! Isn't HE enough? Doesn't HE have the power to move mountains, to face giants and conquer them, to provide for our needs, to wipe every tear, to show us the way, to give us strength, to forgive, to heal, and to LOVE!
Those questions that linger, those problems that can't be fixed, those times of wait that seem unending, He will answer with, "YOU HAVE ME." Will we listen? Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." We have an unbelievable amount of hope in the Word of God. WE HAVE HIM! He promises us more than what we can see with human eyes yet we are so distracted by our human limitations, what we can't control and fix ourselves. We are caught up on what seems impossible and we forget the Truth of His Word. I don't know what will happen in the life of this four year old that is becoming apart of our family, as a matter of fact I don't even know what will happen with my three bio kids. What I do know is that God is working! I can bank on that. He is working for the good, for my good. And I'm so thankful I hear Him whisper that reminder, "YOU HAVE ME!"
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