The Rush!

"Jesus never rushed.  He set His life to the rhythm of connection and compassion.  With great intentionality Jesus stayed  unrushed. This is what I want." ~Lysa Turkeurst

This morning was not much different from any other morning.  It was a RUSH morning.  Everyone in slow-mo sluggish movement until the last 45 seconds when everyone runs frantic to get the last minute things accomplished and in the car.  It's exhausting just typing about it, since in my mind I have a vivid picture of what all occurs. We were all in the car, except one, and of course I have to honk the horn, hop out twice to say we have to leave, NOW, and still no fourth child.  I can feel my blood pressure rising and the minutes on the clock in my car are ticking one by one. I mean, how hard can it be to get four kids out the door by 7AM?  Obviously for this momma it is like pulling teeth (which I don't do by the way), up hill both ways in the snow with no shoes!

Breath, Kim, breath! 

Finally, kid number four is in and I speed off hollering and complaining about how late we will be AGAIN!  That today I will have to sign in a child or two for being tardy once again because there will be no one outside to greet my kids with a good morning or a smile as they walk to class.  Just a few frowns as they look on the mom that can't seem to get it together. 

Ugh!!

"Kim, do you want your kids to go to school happy or hurt??"

What Lord?? I'm the good guy here, can't you see?  I'm trying to get my point across that the next time they aren't in the car by 7 they will pay by handing their phones over to me.  That's good parenting God.  I have to teach them that with disobedience comes consequences.

"Kim, slow down! What is more important here? Your point or their hearts?"

Ouch God! Ouch!!

Conversations shifted and I had the opportunity to share what God was teaching me through Moses.  It was a sweet time to hear our newest little addition say, "mom, tell me more stories in the Bible." 

I'm thankful we were late today.  Even though my children will most likely remember me hollering for them to hurry, I pray most of all they will recall the times they heard His Word.  I pray they will recognize those times we slowed down for connection and compassion like Jesus did. Without slowing down we may just miss what God wants us to see, what He wants us to hear, and what He desires for us to do.  

Proverbs 19:2 "Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way."

Oh Lord, even though this life screams for us to rush, Lord I pray we see with compassion and that we look to connect with those around us. Help us to be aware Lord! I know that is how others will see You!  Help us so that our feet do not miss Your way! 

My List or His Eyes

Kids are all back in school.  I messaged my BFF this morning and told her I didn't quiet know what to do with myself.  With the exception of Marc being home....my house is quiet. Oh I have plenty to do; actually a list a mile long but getting motivated to do all those things is another story.  So I decided spending a little more time with the Lord might get my muscles and bones moving because I know it will refuel my spirit.



"I asked the God of the universe to intersect my life with His revelation, then got up from my prayers and forgot to look. Forgot to seek Him.  Forgot to keep my heart in tune with His voice and His invitation. 
All because of the chaotic rush of my day.
When all of life feels like an urgent rush form one demand to another, we become forgetful.  We forget simple things like where we put our keys or that one crucial ingredient for dinner when we run into the grocery store.  But even more disturbing, we forget God.  We say with our mouths that we are trusting and relying on God, but are we really?
A quick check to see if this is true is our ability to notice what God wants us to notice and our willingness to participate when God invites us to participate.
...caught in the rush of endless demands...  And the rush makes us rebellious. 
If we are to be the Best Yes girls, we have to long for unbroken companionship with God.... The one who obeys God's instruction for today will develop a keen awareness of His direction for tomorrow.  I'm always asking God for direction, but I'll miss it if I constantly ignore His instruction." ~ The Best Yes by Lysa TurKeurst




As our Pastor often says, 'If that doesn't light your fire, your woods wet!'  Oh how convicted I am that as my lists are always a mile long how much of my list is really God driven and God ordained?  My heart yearns to walk where He leads but the demands I have said yes to often times lead me astray. As each year passes with my children I'm learning that my influence is slowing fading.  My actions speak much louder than my words. Oh God help me! My lists won't help when my children see a frantic mother trying to accomplish the impossible.  They will just see a women that doesn't depend on the Lord. A women more concerned with the outer appearance than the inner.  One that sees the world as more important than a relationship.  A women that easily gets caught up in the day to day than the truly eternal.


Give me your eyes Lord! That I can see where your path is and not my own. 


Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)

Time Stand Still

Last night we had meet the teacher for our Princess May and our Madi girl had her first pep rally as a Varsity Cheerleader.  Life flashed before my eyes like never before.  Time is fleeting and I just cant seem to get a handle on it all. Two sides of the school spectrum as we have a Kindergartener, a couple in between, and a Sophomore, who in a short couple months will have her drivers license.  How does this happen?  How can eight months pass of having a new addition to our family with Birthday parties and pre-k graduation, a million firsts, baseball tournaments, practices, running, cheer camp, a whole entire summer of fun, and now school is starting?  I'm baffled by time. Don't get me wrong, I am a mom in desperate need of a break from 4 plus kids running in and out and around at my home.  I do need sanity! I feel for the teachers that are overworked and underpaid that have to instill some kind of learning with all these hoodlums. But I am somewhat lost and heartbroken at the same time that all my children will be entering a new phase, a new year, a new adventure, a new chapter because the one before is now over.  The last chapter has been written and my chances to be the best mom in those hours are over.  How does this happen so quickly?




Some of us are called to be teachers, office mangers, bankers, medical staff members, and a hundred other occupations.  Fortunately, I have been privileged and blessed to by-pass those occupations and just stick with one calling God has on my life which is to be a mom. Mainly because I believe God knew I couldn't handle any more than that and my husband knew as well.  My head spins with just mommy responsibilities and adding anything else would probably put me in the loony bin. I envy those of you that can handle all of those things with class and grace and still take on more. You are amazing! For me, just the mommy title is enough.  It holds so much more than I can even offer and living up to that title will forever be my goal.




So for now, as I muster the strength to put on a happy face of losing time I sometimes have a love/hate relationship with, let's pray for each other.  Pray we can live up to the title that holds more value than all our bank accounts put together.  Let's pray that as we pass one another doing life we can encourage one another to keep going and pressing into the One that will sustain us.  Let's pray for God to move in our children's lives like never before, that He will be real and His love will weigh heavy on their hearts to cause them to move in action for Him.  Let's pray that as time is ever so fleeting we can teach our children that a relationship with the All Mighty is far more important than popularity, sports, or any other endeavor they may deem as important.  Let's Pray as our time is but a vapor but our calling is bigger than life itself that we can be the light God has designed for us to be.




"Train a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6 ASV)




Now, to get ready for homework and homemade lunches, drop off and pick up lines, sight words and reading books, crockpot meals, lots of football games, 5:45 AM practices, cross country meets, baseball tournaments, and cheer competitions....may the force be with me, may it be with you!!



Is it summer yet? ;-)

You Have Me

"Mom, I think I will just give up. I don't know how to love."  What big words coming from our new four year olds mouth.  My mind still cant wrap itself around that statement.  Every time I try to process where she might be coming from and how possibly she can understand the magnitude of her words....well....I'm stuck!  Just stuck.  Stuck in the middle, stuck not understanding what it must feel like to not know love, stuck trying to figure out how I can help her to understand, stuck in connecting and correcting, stuck in the rules, but mostly just stuck not knowing what to do next.  Now, what? What do you say?  How can you comfort?  How can you help? How can you teach?  How can I show more love than I am already showing? Time and consistency.  I feel my heart break all over again.


I'm no parental expert, actually far from it!  I wonder most days why in the world God would call Marc and I to such a task of parenting three plus one.  I mean hasn't He seen all my mess ups already?? Hasn't He seen my three bio-children and all their issues?? Seriously???  SERIOUSLY???


And then....I hear Him gently say, "YOU HAVE ME".  That sums it up though, doesn't it?  Do I need anything else?  Do I need a PhD, a badge from Mommy's R US, a certificate from the latest parenting class, or the approval from man?


Why is it that most times we all forget the only thing we really need is HIM? This is more than just a parenting thing. God whispers to us everyday in all situations, "YOU HAVE ME" and we just pretend like He didn't say a word.  We try to fix or maneuver, or whine, or stomp our feet in anger; we try to figure it out on our own or become extremely impatient with how life is going. We look to the world as if it has the answers to our deepest desires or longing questions.  We fill our hands with baskets of "things" that only take us from Him and somehow we place momentary contentment in those "things" until we figure out that wasn't what we were looking for either. WE HAVE HIM!!!!  Isn't HE enough?   Doesn't HE have the power to move mountains, to face giants and conquer them, to provide for our needs, to wipe every tear, to show us the way, to give us strength, to forgive, to heal, and to LOVE!


Those questions that linger, those problems that can't be fixed, those times of wait that seem unending,  He will answer with, "YOU HAVE ME."  Will we listen?  Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." We have an unbelievable amount of hope in the Word of God.  WE HAVE HIM! He promises us more than what we can see with human eyes yet we are so distracted by our human limitations, what we can't control and fix ourselves.  We are caught up on what seems impossible and we forget the Truth of His Word.  I don't know what will happen in the life of this four year old that is becoming apart of our family, as a matter of fact I don't even know what will happen with my three bio kids. What I do know is that God is working!  I can bank on that.  He is working for the good, for my good. And I'm so thankful I hear Him whisper that reminder, "YOU HAVE ME!"

I REFUSE!

The last few months have been, well just let me explain! You name it and it has probably happened.  One of our hot water heaters sprung a leak resulting in our ceiling caving in, our garage door opener decided to break and needed a spring repair, one of our air units decided to stop cooling because of a leak, our disposal broke and had to be replaced, our aerobic system had to be pumped out and a new aerator installed, and the very same day our microwave started to make a horrible noise when running. And lets not forget our kids have struggled with rebellious attitudes and actions, grades, fights, cysts, and scoliosis diagnosis....is anyone besides me weary? Oh and let me add we are fostering a child that has more needs than I can count, learning to be had, behaviors to be corrected, and lots of love to be given.
Why Lord?  Why would all of this pile on at once?  Why is it that when you decide to take a leap of faith for Him and step out onto the waters of following after Him that all hell breaks loose?  I will tell you why.....Satan just cant stand for you to further His Kingdom.  He just cant stand that you have decided to follow Jesus.  He wants to do everything possible to make life a living hell so that maybe, just maybe, you will decide the cost of living for the Lord is too great.  I REFUSE!
I'm reminded of those forty days that Jesus fasted and prayed and spent time with the Lord.  Satan waited until those forty days were coming to an end when Jesus was physically exhausted and food deprived; he was at Him like nobodies business. He did all he could to tempt Jesus to save Himself, to show His power and to walk away from the calling God had for Him.  BUT Christ REFUSED! He didn't need anything Satan had to offer.  He was tired, hungry, and weary yet He still wanted to follow where the Lord was leading Him.....To The Cross!!  He knew the blessing that would incur following His Father's will, our eternal life.  What a sweet picture of His precious love!  What a wonderful reminder that even Jesus endured the horrible days that satan hurled His way!  And what encouragement to know that we too can endure and still find hope in following after our Lord and Savior!
Little by little the Lord has provided and little by little I have seen Him more; each day with Him truly does grow sweeter!  I encourage you that when life is just too much to handle and you feel you just cant keep moving in the direction the Lord has called you that you remember He too has walked in those shoes.  He too knows your pain, your hurt, your struggles; and He too did not give up on the calling God had for Him.  He went to the Cross to bear it all just for you!!!  You will make it!!  Don't lose heart!  Keep stepping towards Him! REFUSE to let satan win!  There is victory in HIM!!
"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm.  Let nothing move you.  Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 
1 Corinthians 15:58

He is with us

This morning my heart hurts. But this morning my heart also rejoices.  My heart is heavy yet it is full of joy.  How can so many emotions fill me and I still have peace.  My friend, it is just JESUS!  This journey of being a foster to adopt family has taken us on some pretty scary and treacherous paths but also very rewarding.  As we have continued to say YES to the Lord in where He leads being a parent and following His lead only gets more difficult.  God never promised easy so I claim His promise that He is always with me. (Psalm 73:23 "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.") And when satan strikes yet again, with his loud noise and distractions, I know my God is bigger than all fiery arrows that deceiver throws my way. 






This morning as we had our God time, I asked the kids what they were thankful for?  Our Princess May May immediately said, "for brothers and a sister".   She then said, "mom, do some people have a broken heart because my heart is broken?"  I said yes and assured her that God loves her and can heal broken hearts.  People, people, if that doesn't break your heart then, I am not sure you have one.  A four year old claiming her thankfulness for a new family yet saying her heart is still broken because of the loss of one.  She knows the pain that many of us have no clue of and yet we go on with life without thinking twice about the hurt some people encounter.  I can't share all the details of her story but place yourself in any foster child's situation and I believe you may just have a new understanding of family and love and thankfulness, a new understanding of HIS love for you.  You might just find Jesus there in the midst of the least of these, and your perspective may just change.






I'm praying today you are encouraged that even in brokenness God is real and we can trust Him.  The song "He Is With Us" comes to mind. Here are the lyrics....






Remember when your hope is lost and faith is shaken
Remember when you wonder if you're gonna make it
There's a hand stretched out through your deepest doubt
We can't pretend to see the ending or what's coming up ahead
To know the story of tomorrow
But we can stay close to the One who knows

We can trust our God
He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now
We won't be ruined
It might seem there's an ocean in between
But He's holding on to you and me
And He's never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always

We believe there is purpose, there is meaning in everything
We surrender to His leading
He wants nothing more than to have us close

We can trust our God
He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now
We won't be ruined
It might seem there's an ocean in between
But He's holding on to you and me
And He's never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always

Our faith is sealed
Our hope is real
Come what may
We're not afraid
Our faith is sealed
Our hope is real
Come what may
We're not afraid
We're not afraid

We can trust our God
Always, always
We can trust our God
Always, always

We can trust our God
He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now
We won't be ruined
It might seem there's an ocean in between
But He's holding on to you and me
And He's never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always
Our God is with us




AMEN!!! And AMEN!!!!

Journey of Faith

It's been a while since I've blogged and I have a few reasons for that.  I haven't stopped writing, I just couldn't let some of the things written be public.  It has been a written saga with God that really journals an unbelievable journey of faith and love and miracles.  One day I will be able to share the entire story with you all.  Until then, you will get tid bits of His goodness.

We have become a licensed foster to adopt family through Buckner. Oh what an incredible journey of faith it has taken just to get that far.  We never dreamed nor planned of doing such a thing.  It wasn't apart of our five year plan, or our ten year plan; it just was NEVER apart of the plan.  Actually, if you ask my husband his plan was to have TWO children, definitely NOT four.  So when, I say miracles, I mean miracles!! Its kind of comical to see what our plan was and now see where God has taken us.  All I can say is never think you can out plan God, it doesn't work! LOL! It took some time, years, for us both to really believe that still small voice we were hearing calling us to step out in faith and love one more.  I'll tell you its a scary thing stepping out onto the waters of faith and trusting that what God is saying to do and where He is leading IS the right path.  As I write that, it sounds like a "no brainer" but in reality it has been a tough slow act of obedience.

I look back over my life and so see the handprints of God in the little things that set us on this path.  My heart has always been the soft one that sees people a little differently than most.  I'll never forget a youth camp experience that Janet White shared to imagine all with a sign around their neck that states, "Make Me Feel Special."  If you know me well, you have heard me say that over and over, as it has become apart of who I am.  Seeing that one that doesn't fit in, that one that needs a little more love than most are willing to give, that one that doesn't say much but has so much to say, that one that no one wants to friend because her past and even her present sends sparks through the veins of those around, that one that gets on every ones nerves, that one that is just well...different.  I tend to see the good in people before I see the bad, or maybe its that I want to believe there is good in all people and I look for it as to prove the bad away.  God has also used the so called failures and hurts in my life as well to help me see and feel and have compassion for those around me.  I believe He has allowed me to be in positions that were somewhat less desirable so that I could understand more where someone else was coming from.. He has used all of those things to help me to see that loving others to Him is one of the greatest journeys there will ever be. Hard and completely crippling at times but by far the greatest blessing. 

So as we finally said, "YES" to follow where God was leading our faith journey, I believe it is only getting started.  Love Them More continues to grow in theme in our house.  There are so many aspects to being a foster to adopt family and many unknowns that can't be controlled no matter how badly you try to work them to be.  It's a vulnerable state to live in saying "Yes" to God and not really knowing what will happen next.  I can't say that I have ever been one that has lived on the edge or the wild side or even adventurous.  It was always too scary to me.  I was one that was afraid to do anything outside of the rules in fear of getting in trouble or failure.  I was a "safe zone" kind of girl.  Being a foster family completely removes the safe zone from your vocabulary! There is no such thing, as you don't really know what the child will be like coming into your home nor do you really know what will unravel while they are there. Yikes! Nothing safe or comfortable about that at all! The funny thing is, there is no place I would rather be.  It has been in those stepping out of the comfortable and safe places that God has used me the most and showed Himself mightily.  Now, I'm not saying we should all be foster parents, or all move to Africa, or all jump off a cliff because any of those could send us into hyperventilation mode or could be an absolute STUPID move for us.  I believe that is where the discerning the voice of the Lord comes in and seeking Him wholeheartedly to know where exactly He is leading you. I have to say though, that when God is leading you it will not always feel comfortable or safe but there will be peace!  But do us all a favor and please NO JUMPING OFF CLIFFS, even if everyone else is doing it and their mom says its okay! ;-)

My prayer is that through this blog the Lord will encourage you on in your own journey as you get to read about mine.  And that what is typed will only lead you back to Jesus, The One and Only!!  So lets get moving....life is waiting to happen!