Love Letters

This is a love letter from our little May May.  She gave it to me the other night and I just keep reading it over and over.

Translation...May May loves my mom.  May May loves my sister.  May May loves my daddy.  May May loves my brothers.  May May loves everybody.

The pains of Foster Care can often times be more than overbearing...mounds upon mounds of paper work, rules that send your mind to the looney bin and your stress level out the window, training hours, visits of all kinds, adjustments to your family's ways and rules, bonding, attachment, learning family dynamics, what a family is and looks like, love, discipline, trust, and the list goes on and on!

I will not sugar coat any part of foster care and say that it is the perfect little package of yummy.  It is relentlessly hard.  Rewarding but hard.  Loving and not knowing what the future holds is a place of faith we never thought we would be.  But it isn't about us!!  And after a day like today, I have to remind myself again, it isn't about us!!  It's about a child of God that needs more.  As we sacrifice each day I am reminded of the Lord's sacrifice for me.  I'm reminded of His great patience with me as my patience has truly been tested over and over.  I'm reminded that no matter my actions or path, He never stops pursuing me or loving me.  And as we care for our little May we too never want to stop pursuing her and loving her no matter her actions or path. Y'all that's hard stuff....and we just can not do this without the Lord.

One hard place we are working through is learning it's okay to love, its okay to love more than one person.  We can love all of our family. We can even love and it will love you back.  Most of us don't get that statement...but try explaining to a five year old that has been removed it is okay to love everyone in her family with out reservation.  I would say most of our children were born into our families and it was automatic...they loved, you loved, everyone loved. You didn't have to explain love to them, they loved because they knew you were there for them from the start and you weren't going anywhere.  Your actions proved it immediately in their lives. You didn't have to explain to them that they had room to love their siblings, even after the sometimes initial jealousy of a new one, they still knew they could love everyone in their family and it was okay.  Somewhere along the way May's trust has been broken and her love is reserved.  It breaks my heart for her.  I share this with you all because there are so many that do not have the family they crave and need. And because of that lack of, the trauma they have encountered, their behaviors are haywire in school and beyond and havoc is wreaked in their lives due to it all. My heart rejoices yet aches when I read this over and over and I realize that even on the days I want to pull out my hair, our sweet girl IS learning.  She IS seeing.  She IS getting a taste of what HIS love is all about.

Pray for her.  Pray for other children out there that have been removed from their families.  A hole so huge has been gouged out of their hearts. And pray these children will see the Love Letters the Lord writes to them, through Foster families, through His Word, and others that come across their path.   Only HE heals!  But we can definitely be the hands and feet of the One that loves!!

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (‭Psalm‬ ‭147‬:‭3‬ NIV)

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. (‭Psalm‬ ‭136‬:‭1‬ NIV)

He is fighting for me!

Life is just passing all to quickly! It's full of business. Sometimes I believe it's just due to the season of life I am in and other times I know I have taken on too much. Monday morning I was feeling the aches of a busy homecoming week for four kids, a 20 yr reunion, a church fall fest (in which for some dumb reason I thought I had time to make a Halloween costume at the last minute). It was a Monday for sure that I rushed out the door to drop off all the kids and stop in the sonic parking lot to gather thoughts and put my makeup on before I had to pick up Mack, get him to the orthodontist and back to school. Then back to town to get groceries and back home to unload then to run back to town with my husband for more errands.

At WalMart I made the comment to the cashier that it was definitely a Monday. She responded by telling me it was Monday but a great day to spend time in the Word. She said if things didn't get done it was ok as long as she got to spend time with the Lord! I felt about as big as an ant! Who expects to go to WalMart and be blessed by the cashier?!? That just doesn't happen. I was convicted!  We talked about what devotion we were doing and I had to admit Monday morning I had not cracked my Bible. :(

This past Sunday I opened my Bible in church and saw a name written by a verse. That person had shared that verse with me years ago. What was significant was I had my class reunion the night before and saw this life long friend. I quickly snapped a pic and sent it to her and thanked her for her influence in my life. She sent me back a verse from Exodus.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.

I told her how cool it was that in my Bible Study Fellowship we were actually studying Moses and working our way through Exodus. Tuesday morning when I sat to have time with the Lord....you guessed it....I read that verse in my study. Call it as you wish, but I say God wants me to hear from Him!! He is intimate and desires to meet me where I am. My friend had no idea I was going through that study nor did she know I was in that exact book and chapter. She lives a few hundred miles away and we don't get to talk often. It was a verse God had laid on her heart and she felt led to share it with me. She felt it applied to the journey I was on. And boy does it ever!!


Do you wonder sometimes if He sees?!? If He hears?!? If He knows?!? While my physical body just couldn't take any more the Lord was/is fighting for me!!  I love how God works!  I love how He meets us right where we are!  I love that He knows what we need for that particular day to encourage us on!  Many times we are so consumed with our circumstances that we miss out on what He has.  But I also love that my God is patient, and even when we may not make time for Him, He will find a way to reach out to us.

Thank you Lord for not ever giving up on me!  Thank you Lord for meeting me where I am!  Thank you for encouraging me on!  And Lord, thank you for fighting for me!  Help me Lord to be still and listen to you!!

The Rush!

"Jesus never rushed.  He set His life to the rhythm of connection and compassion.  With great intentionality Jesus stayed  unrushed. This is what I want." ~Lysa Turkeurst

This morning was not much different from any other morning.  It was a RUSH morning.  Everyone in slow-mo sluggish movement until the last 45 seconds when everyone runs frantic to get the last minute things accomplished and in the car.  It's exhausting just typing about it, since in my mind I have a vivid picture of what all occurs. We were all in the car, except one, and of course I have to honk the horn, hop out twice to say we have to leave, NOW, and still no fourth child.  I can feel my blood pressure rising and the minutes on the clock in my car are ticking one by one. I mean, how hard can it be to get four kids out the door by 7AM?  Obviously for this momma it is like pulling teeth (which I don't do by the way), up hill both ways in the snow with no shoes!

Breath, Kim, breath! 

Finally, kid number four is in and I speed off hollering and complaining about how late we will be AGAIN!  That today I will have to sign in a child or two for being tardy once again because there will be no one outside to greet my kids with a good morning or a smile as they walk to class.  Just a few frowns as they look on the mom that can't seem to get it together. 

Ugh!!

"Kim, do you want your kids to go to school happy or hurt??"

What Lord?? I'm the good guy here, can't you see?  I'm trying to get my point across that the next time they aren't in the car by 7 they will pay by handing their phones over to me.  That's good parenting God.  I have to teach them that with disobedience comes consequences.

"Kim, slow down! What is more important here? Your point or their hearts?"

Ouch God! Ouch!!

Conversations shifted and I had the opportunity to share what God was teaching me through Moses.  It was a sweet time to hear our newest little addition say, "mom, tell me more stories in the Bible." 

I'm thankful we were late today.  Even though my children will most likely remember me hollering for them to hurry, I pray most of all they will recall the times they heard His Word.  I pray they will recognize those times we slowed down for connection and compassion like Jesus did. Without slowing down we may just miss what God wants us to see, what He wants us to hear, and what He desires for us to do.  

Proverbs 19:2 "Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way."

Oh Lord, even though this life screams for us to rush, Lord I pray we see with compassion and that we look to connect with those around us. Help us to be aware Lord! I know that is how others will see You!  Help us so that our feet do not miss Your way! 

My List or His Eyes

Kids are all back in school.  I messaged my BFF this morning and told her I didn't quiet know what to do with myself.  With the exception of Marc being home....my house is quiet. Oh I have plenty to do; actually a list a mile long but getting motivated to do all those things is another story.  So I decided spending a little more time with the Lord might get my muscles and bones moving because I know it will refuel my spirit.



"I asked the God of the universe to intersect my life with His revelation, then got up from my prayers and forgot to look. Forgot to seek Him.  Forgot to keep my heart in tune with His voice and His invitation. 
All because of the chaotic rush of my day.
When all of life feels like an urgent rush form one demand to another, we become forgetful.  We forget simple things like where we put our keys or that one crucial ingredient for dinner when we run into the grocery store.  But even more disturbing, we forget God.  We say with our mouths that we are trusting and relying on God, but are we really?
A quick check to see if this is true is our ability to notice what God wants us to notice and our willingness to participate when God invites us to participate.
...caught in the rush of endless demands...  And the rush makes us rebellious. 
If we are to be the Best Yes girls, we have to long for unbroken companionship with God.... The one who obeys God's instruction for today will develop a keen awareness of His direction for tomorrow.  I'm always asking God for direction, but I'll miss it if I constantly ignore His instruction." ~ The Best Yes by Lysa TurKeurst




As our Pastor often says, 'If that doesn't light your fire, your woods wet!'  Oh how convicted I am that as my lists are always a mile long how much of my list is really God driven and God ordained?  My heart yearns to walk where He leads but the demands I have said yes to often times lead me astray. As each year passes with my children I'm learning that my influence is slowing fading.  My actions speak much louder than my words. Oh God help me! My lists won't help when my children see a frantic mother trying to accomplish the impossible.  They will just see a women that doesn't depend on the Lord. A women more concerned with the outer appearance than the inner.  One that sees the world as more important than a relationship.  A women that easily gets caught up in the day to day than the truly eternal.


Give me your eyes Lord! That I can see where your path is and not my own. 


Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)

Time Stand Still

Last night we had meet the teacher for our Princess May and our Madi girl had her first pep rally as a Varsity Cheerleader.  Life flashed before my eyes like never before.  Time is fleeting and I just cant seem to get a handle on it all. Two sides of the school spectrum as we have a Kindergartener, a couple in between, and a Sophomore, who in a short couple months will have her drivers license.  How does this happen?  How can eight months pass of having a new addition to our family with Birthday parties and pre-k graduation, a million firsts, baseball tournaments, practices, running, cheer camp, a whole entire summer of fun, and now school is starting?  I'm baffled by time. Don't get me wrong, I am a mom in desperate need of a break from 4 plus kids running in and out and around at my home.  I do need sanity! I feel for the teachers that are overworked and underpaid that have to instill some kind of learning with all these hoodlums. But I am somewhat lost and heartbroken at the same time that all my children will be entering a new phase, a new year, a new adventure, a new chapter because the one before is now over.  The last chapter has been written and my chances to be the best mom in those hours are over.  How does this happen so quickly?




Some of us are called to be teachers, office mangers, bankers, medical staff members, and a hundred other occupations.  Fortunately, I have been privileged and blessed to by-pass those occupations and just stick with one calling God has on my life which is to be a mom. Mainly because I believe God knew I couldn't handle any more than that and my husband knew as well.  My head spins with just mommy responsibilities and adding anything else would probably put me in the loony bin. I envy those of you that can handle all of those things with class and grace and still take on more. You are amazing! For me, just the mommy title is enough.  It holds so much more than I can even offer and living up to that title will forever be my goal.




So for now, as I muster the strength to put on a happy face of losing time I sometimes have a love/hate relationship with, let's pray for each other.  Pray we can live up to the title that holds more value than all our bank accounts put together.  Let's pray that as we pass one another doing life we can encourage one another to keep going and pressing into the One that will sustain us.  Let's pray for God to move in our children's lives like never before, that He will be real and His love will weigh heavy on their hearts to cause them to move in action for Him.  Let's pray that as time is ever so fleeting we can teach our children that a relationship with the All Mighty is far more important than popularity, sports, or any other endeavor they may deem as important.  Let's Pray as our time is but a vapor but our calling is bigger than life itself that we can be the light God has designed for us to be.




"Train a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6 ASV)




Now, to get ready for homework and homemade lunches, drop off and pick up lines, sight words and reading books, crockpot meals, lots of football games, 5:45 AM practices, cross country meets, baseball tournaments, and cheer competitions....may the force be with me, may it be with you!!



Is it summer yet? ;-)

You Have Me

"Mom, I think I will just give up. I don't know how to love."  What big words coming from our new four year olds mouth.  My mind still cant wrap itself around that statement.  Every time I try to process where she might be coming from and how possibly she can understand the magnitude of her words....well....I'm stuck!  Just stuck.  Stuck in the middle, stuck not understanding what it must feel like to not know love, stuck trying to figure out how I can help her to understand, stuck in connecting and correcting, stuck in the rules, but mostly just stuck not knowing what to do next.  Now, what? What do you say?  How can you comfort?  How can you help? How can you teach?  How can I show more love than I am already showing? Time and consistency.  I feel my heart break all over again.


I'm no parental expert, actually far from it!  I wonder most days why in the world God would call Marc and I to such a task of parenting three plus one.  I mean hasn't He seen all my mess ups already?? Hasn't He seen my three bio-children and all their issues?? Seriously???  SERIOUSLY???


And then....I hear Him gently say, "YOU HAVE ME".  That sums it up though, doesn't it?  Do I need anything else?  Do I need a PhD, a badge from Mommy's R US, a certificate from the latest parenting class, or the approval from man?


Why is it that most times we all forget the only thing we really need is HIM? This is more than just a parenting thing. God whispers to us everyday in all situations, "YOU HAVE ME" and we just pretend like He didn't say a word.  We try to fix or maneuver, or whine, or stomp our feet in anger; we try to figure it out on our own or become extremely impatient with how life is going. We look to the world as if it has the answers to our deepest desires or longing questions.  We fill our hands with baskets of "things" that only take us from Him and somehow we place momentary contentment in those "things" until we figure out that wasn't what we were looking for either. WE HAVE HIM!!!!  Isn't HE enough?   Doesn't HE have the power to move mountains, to face giants and conquer them, to provide for our needs, to wipe every tear, to show us the way, to give us strength, to forgive, to heal, and to LOVE!


Those questions that linger, those problems that can't be fixed, those times of wait that seem unending,  He will answer with, "YOU HAVE ME."  Will we listen?  Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." We have an unbelievable amount of hope in the Word of God.  WE HAVE HIM! He promises us more than what we can see with human eyes yet we are so distracted by our human limitations, what we can't control and fix ourselves.  We are caught up on what seems impossible and we forget the Truth of His Word.  I don't know what will happen in the life of this four year old that is becoming apart of our family, as a matter of fact I don't even know what will happen with my three bio kids. What I do know is that God is working!  I can bank on that.  He is working for the good, for my good. And I'm so thankful I hear Him whisper that reminder, "YOU HAVE ME!"

I REFUSE!

The last few months have been, well just let me explain! You name it and it has probably happened.  One of our hot water heaters sprung a leak resulting in our ceiling caving in, our garage door opener decided to break and needed a spring repair, one of our air units decided to stop cooling because of a leak, our disposal broke and had to be replaced, our aerobic system had to be pumped out and a new aerator installed, and the very same day our microwave started to make a horrible noise when running. And lets not forget our kids have struggled with rebellious attitudes and actions, grades, fights, cysts, and scoliosis diagnosis....is anyone besides me weary? Oh and let me add we are fostering a child that has more needs than I can count, learning to be had, behaviors to be corrected, and lots of love to be given.
Why Lord?  Why would all of this pile on at once?  Why is it that when you decide to take a leap of faith for Him and step out onto the waters of following after Him that all hell breaks loose?  I will tell you why.....Satan just cant stand for you to further His Kingdom.  He just cant stand that you have decided to follow Jesus.  He wants to do everything possible to make life a living hell so that maybe, just maybe, you will decide the cost of living for the Lord is too great.  I REFUSE!
I'm reminded of those forty days that Jesus fasted and prayed and spent time with the Lord.  Satan waited until those forty days were coming to an end when Jesus was physically exhausted and food deprived; he was at Him like nobodies business. He did all he could to tempt Jesus to save Himself, to show His power and to walk away from the calling God had for Him.  BUT Christ REFUSED! He didn't need anything Satan had to offer.  He was tired, hungry, and weary yet He still wanted to follow where the Lord was leading Him.....To The Cross!!  He knew the blessing that would incur following His Father's will, our eternal life.  What a sweet picture of His precious love!  What a wonderful reminder that even Jesus endured the horrible days that satan hurled His way!  And what encouragement to know that we too can endure and still find hope in following after our Lord and Savior!
Little by little the Lord has provided and little by little I have seen Him more; each day with Him truly does grow sweeter!  I encourage you that when life is just too much to handle and you feel you just cant keep moving in the direction the Lord has called you that you remember He too has walked in those shoes.  He too knows your pain, your hurt, your struggles; and He too did not give up on the calling God had for Him.  He went to the Cross to bear it all just for you!!!  You will make it!!  Don't lose heart!  Keep stepping towards Him! REFUSE to let satan win!  There is victory in HIM!!
"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm.  Let nothing move you.  Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 
1 Corinthians 15:58