Summer has come and gone and I am getting back on the wagon to tell my life experiences with God. I have been back and forth on how personal I should be and what is too much information to share about my family with out making any one of us vulnerable. This has been a rather hard decision as I have written a couple of devotions but have not shared them in reluctance of them being too personal. So today I sit with my heart and mind full. I am not at all sure what will come out but letting Him lead and to Him be the Glory!!
At the end of last year my daughter had to choose what classes she would take for her first year at the Junior High. Wow, Junior High...it blows me away to think I have a child that old. She brought home a paper with several choices for electives and also choices of advanced or regular classes. There had been a parent meeting describing what courses were important for your child to take and taking those advanced classes were contingent upon there success through high school and college. She made her elective choices of choir, athletics, art, and career investigations and then we encouraged her to select a few advanced courses. She was super excited about her choices and ready to conquer the 7
th grade.
A couple weeks ago on a Thursday afternoon, we went to register and pick up schedules for all my kids. The Junior High campus was our last stop and as soon as we received our schedule a horrible look of disappointment fell upon my daughter’s face. She pointed to the office and said “I don’t have any advanced classes, mom, there is the office.” I didn’t spend any time looking at teachers or electives just glanced to see there were no ADV written in front of English, Math, or History. We went to the office and were told to fill out a “request to change form” and that they would let us know something by Wednesday.
Now let me tell you that
Madison is an A student with an occasional B. She is not the smartest kid ever but definitely not stupid. She however, did not obtain a "commended performance” on her TAKS test but did score very well. That being said you can imagine a momma’s anger, especially when her child had anticipated with excitement on getting these courses. Here’s where the drama came in.
Each year I have been skeptical of at least one set of teachers my children have had, but each year God has been faithful in seeing them through. Last year however for
Madison it was a rough year. One in which we had to really choose to trust God in.
Please don’t misunderstand I am not a parent that likes to blame teachers for a child’s mistakes but I do feel that a lack of desire on a teachers part, or a dislike of a student can contribute to that students academic success and emotional state. Granted, I went to school to be a teacher and have subbed over the last several years and realize the huge responsibility that teachers have to meet. It is almost impossible to meet the many needs of students on so very many different levels emotionally, socially, and academically, not to mention the requirements that the district and state give them to teach students basically to excel on ONE test. Yes, it is a messed up world we live in.
I had prayed God would show mercy on
Madison this year and put her in classes with students that cared about learning, that cared about their grades, that cared about being respectful to teachers, that cared about the things they were involved in, and to have teachers that cared about her, etc. We thought being placed in some advanced courses would alleviate some of the issues we struggled with the year before. We waited for a response after putting our request to change in and meanwhile my blood began to boil. I had thought to myself, why on earth should a child that made A’s not be allowed in an advanced class? Why is it always my child that has to endure hardship? Why is it I volunteer so much of my time to the school district and no one hears my voice when I am upset? Why once again will my child be left out and have to endure being placed with kids that could serve as a bad influence on her? Why? Why? Why? (whine, whine, whine!)
Now it’s Friday night and my daughter has been invited to a back to school sleep over with a few friends. Upon dropping her off I find one other of
Madison’s friends has also been denied...one out of 15 probably. Ugh! We get to talking with another mom whose child did get into the courses and we are all just a griping! You can imagine the conversation. It went from bad to worse and by the time I left I was boiling even more. I went to sleep that night mad that God would allow this to happen. Why Lord could you not show mercy upon my child? Well, here it goes, that’s when God slapped me over the head. (I think He must enjoy that, LOL, jk!) I woke early Saturday morning and this verse popped into my head.
”Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.” Matthew 6:34
So, God was telling me my worries should not be my own. Conviction set in and I
immediately had to text the two moms I had been griping with to apologize for my behavior and share with them what God had shared with me. The Lord had also voiced to me that He had not failed me yet and that where ever
Madison was placed it was for His Glory. Ugh! That was not an easy pill to swallow. As a matter of fact my pride almost got the best of me. God has been teaching me over and over to deal with confrontation. I like to just shy away from it because to me not facing it makes it so much easier. Although, I know God was not telling me to not pursue what I felt was best for my child BUT to be content with His decision. As a parent we always feel we know best but ultimately my Father in heaven is the master at plan making!!
The next Friday rolled around and the school officials had met to look over grades and TAKS scores and had made their final decisions. I went to pick up my daughter’s schedule and the inevitable had occurred. She did not get put in any advance courses after they had encouraged students of her type to apply, and after we had asked for a schedule change. Ok, here was the real test...was I going to throw a fit and demand a change or would I trust God and let it go.....wait for it....wait for it...I waited to speak to someone in that office thinking again surely this is not for real. Twenty minutes passed as I sat in a chair and my heart melted. I was holding back tears as I knew I would have to go to break the news to my daughter they didn’t feel she was smart enough for the challenge. I was finally greeted to meet with someone in the office and I could barely speak as my emotions consumed me. My heart felt plea had fallen on deaf ears and their decisions were final. I left that office feeling defeated, misunderstood, unwelcome, and just plane awful! What would I tell my daughter that had told me the night before, “Mom, I really want to learn this year and do the very best I can, I don’t want it to be like last year.”
For an entire week God had reminded me over and over His plan is perfect. Psalm
73:23-24 “You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterwards you take me into glory.” God wanted me to know that with every difficult or complicated decision or circumstance that I faced I must turn to Him and not my emotions or my own plan. That meant that I must admit my perspective is limited!!! Oh so very limited!! We can’t know what tomorrow will bring but He is the one that can see around the bend in the road that overwhelms us.
I went home that day to explain to my daughter a plan that God had, that I wasn’t sure I understood. No, regular classes are not the end of the world! And I surely do NOT feel all teachers and kids are bad that have these classes. This may be for
Madison to carry a light for some that may never see it. It may be because she really can’t handle advanced classes. It may be for me to learn I can’t always have my way and I must learn to stand but also learn to endure. It may be for
Madison to learn that if she truly desires something she must learn to work harder for it. There could be a million reasons why God chose this path. But I know my job is to stand on His firm foundation and trust that all things work for the good of those that love Him. (Rom 8:28)
What about you today, what is it that you are battling God about? Do your plans match with His? Do you trust that He can see past the bend in your road that you are trying to conquer? What will you do now? Will you trust Him? Will you seek His counsel or will you throw a fit to get your way?
Encouraging you today that even though you may not see the bigger picture, that you will see just how much He loves you, desires to lead you, and that his plan is perfect!!!
