You Can't, God Can

As I sat on the runway of LaGuardia Airport Thursday morning in a boeing 737 I got a message I had not expected.  I had text a few friends to pray for the case regarding our foster daughter.  I hadn't anticipated any bad news as its been several months of smooth sailing through the system. (well as smooth as it could possibly be when you are working with CPS)  For some reason I had a weird feeling.  Another message came a few minutes later and I knew the news was not good.  I made a call already buckled in to my seat as everyone was prepared for take off.  The news ripped my heart in two.  I cried and cried and got more angry by the minute.

As the plane took off in the air, my mind raced and heart fluttered.  Usually I am trying to calm myself for a flight since airplanes are not my favorite form of transportation.  But this time my mind was on a little girl that the system had failed again.  The questions, the unknowns, the how in the world could this happen, all ran rampant in my head.  

After venting to my mom, mother-in-law, and sweet friend Christi on the plane, I felt the camaraderie.  I  knew I wasn't alone but I still needed the Lord.  I scrambled through my carry on and found a couple of my devotion books.  I needed His Word and His Truth poured into me at that moment. I desperately wanted to be in His presence.

So, I prayed.  I wanted answers.  I wanted God to fix this situation.  I wanted what I had just heard to be a bad dream.  I wanted to wake up and it would not have happened. I wanted God to fill me because I wasn't doing so well on my own.

"Whatever it is, this is when God's Word works.  In real time and space.  Right smack-dab in the middle of your now reality....Oddly, however, we tend to disconnect the two--our current reality and God's present ability.  Somehow, we overlook the nearness of God when we are caught up in the rhythm of life, dancing to the drumbeat of our personal issues.  We stay too tired or angry or frazzled to remember that God can work on our behalf now."

"God is bigger, stronger , and wiser than you are.  You don't have to carry your burden alone.  Whenever you can't, God can."

These are the words God loved me with in that horrific moment! And oh does He love me!!  His promise to be there! His promise that He is always working! Nothing on this earth or beyond limits Him.  In the heat of the moment I have a hard time believing.  I'm not sure why I don't immediately take hold of my emotions and situations and place them where they belong, at His feet, where He can carry them so I don't have to.  My hurt He wants.  My life He already knew.  He knows the life of our foster daughter as well, as He is writing her story.  He is in the midst of each chapter of her life.  Each page and line is written with His blood. He is present so why do I fear?

Friends, right in the middle of your now reality God is working too, working with His ability not yours. He is not limited by your weakness nor is He limited by your circumstances. He knew the road you would be on today and He is there.  He isn't too tired, angry or frazzled to carry what you can't! All we have to do is seek Him!! Never has there been a time that I have sought Him and He wasn't there!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭9‬ NIV)

Where we can't....HE CAN!!!

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, (‭Ephesians‬ ‭3‬:‭20‬ NIV)

I don't know what will happen in this moment but He is here. I don't know what the future holds but I know He is there too. And when I can't comprehend my circumstances I know He has it covered!

Praise God, He can!!!!

Miracles Happen!

The Christmas season has begun and I have been an emotional wreck.  Over joyed by the family that the Lord has blessed me with but still just heartbroken for the ones that are without.

For the past, I don't know, maybe four or five Christmas' my heart has just been heavy with burden.  I longed for someone that wasn't with us yet.  One year while wrapping gifts I had my TV set to SiriusXM radio.  "All I Really Want" was playing by Steven Curtis Chapman.  (if you haven't listened to it look it up, it will convict your heart and bring you closer to knowing His)  I had also just read Chapman's wife's book, Choosing to See, about their adoption journey.  The entire song talks about a child longing for a family for Christmas.  A child that didn't have a family to take care of them.  I began weeping like never before.  I just couldn't stand it.  I looked around my home, seeing decorations, a Christmas tree, gifts, happy children that were not in need of a thing, a roof over our head, and more things that I could possibly begin to count.  Not only was my heart broken for the one that wasn't with us and needed a family, but also that we had so much and had not shared it with anyone.

Christmas Eve rolled around that year and while attending the candle light service all my mind could think about was a little girl that had not found us yet, or we had not found her.  A little girl that may not know about Jesus.  A little girl that could wake up the next morning and not know the true meaning of Christmas.  One that could wake up and not be excited like my kids to see what Santa had brought. To wake up and not hear the story of Jesus from her Papaw as we gathered for a big Christmas celebration and lunch. I wondered often why God would allow such hurt and loss for a child but I know now it was to teach people like us to love a little more.  To love deeper.  To sacrifice.  To share. To think past the material and focus on the eternal.  For our hearts to see what He sees and to be bent to love even the hardest of children. That isn't all, He has great plans for the children that are forgotten.  He will use their experiences to make a path for His glory, beauty from ashes, I have no doubt!    

This Christmas experience seemed to happen each year for the last several.  A burdened heart, a longing that kept me up at nights and on my knees often, this seemed to be year after year. We bought a stocking a couple Christmas' ago.  We even bought an ornament to hang in her honor as each of our children have a special ornament on the tree.  And a cute stuffed monkey landed in her stocking on last years Christmas morn.

This year my heart is full.... Tears have welled up in my eyes and fallen many times over the last week.  It was our fist Thanksgiving all together. We all said what we were thankful for on a couple occasions.  One of the first things that came from May's mouth was that she was thankful for her family.  Talk about melt your heart and make you excited all in one.  My oldest shared the same thankfulness and both my boys were thankful to have a family that loved the Lord.  And my husband was thankful for me!  People it just doesn't get any better than that for a momma and a wife!!

We have put up our tree and stockings while sharing with May just how much we loved her even before she was with us.  God is faithful people!!  For the child that longed for more there was a family that longed for more as well.  Only God can grow a love like that. Only He can open eyes to see the ones that need to be seen.

We started reading a new devotion book yesterday called Unwrapping the Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp.  It speaks of the family tree of Christ and the greatest gift we can unwrap at Christmas is Christ.  The very first day was over the fallen, the fallen tree.  The ones that had fallen away from God.  But because love NEVER stopped, HIS love, MIRACLES HAPPEN!! That even on a stump, a shoot can grow, a branch can form and life can miraculously blossom.

"Look for the little children everyone else forgets......
Miracles happen whenever we look for shoots of Jesus' love everywhere-because this grows deep roots in Jesus' love for everyone.  Miracles happen in the drawing close to the little people, the least people, the lonely people, the lost people-because this is drawing close to Jesus.  This is how we draw love everywhere.
Once, even now, there was this family who slowed down and bent down and could see small, wondrous, impossible things-that no stump is ever just a stump.
A stump is always just a place for love to grow, this unfurling of miracles." ~Ann Voskamp

Isaiah 11:1-3a, 10 " Out of the stump of David's family will grow a shoot - yes, a new Branch bearing fruit from the old root, And the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord...In that day the heir of David's throne will be a banner of salvation to all the world.  The nations will rally him, and the land where he lives will be a glorious place."

The pieces of this puzzle of life do come together. There are many days I still wonder what the future holds and how we will make it through. Together. As a family.  My controlling tendencies have gotten me in trouble one too many times.  We can't figure God out but we can cling to the promises of His Word.  Just in these last verses He promised to make a way for the Savior of the world.  It wasn't going to look pretty and even out of a STUMP, something that looked to be hopeless, life would shoot up!  The branch of His family lineage was taking place.  What a promise, that in our lives too there is hope of what is to come, eternal life if we know Him.  Even through the darkest of situations, even the loneliest of children, even the most broken of a person, miracles can take place when our hope is in HIM!!

I can't tell you the joy that floods me as each day I am grabbing tightly to His goodness. I am savoring the blessings He has given and looking to what He has ahead knowing He is already there. The longing has been fulfilled. His promise came to fruition. A shoot has sprung up in our family tree! Miracles have happened!! And I am forever thankful for His love!!